Subscribe to Breaking NewsJust A Few of Us And Same-Sex Marriage
I’m indifferent to same-sex marriage. Sure I know the talking points and understand how to respond when some fool goes the Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve route, but the marriage equality parade is marching by and I’m not jumping in line. I’m a “small d” democrat so working for something others deem important is no biggie. There are a few reasons for this lack of enthusiasm, some more personal than I care to admit right now (save that for another time); however, one thing I can cop to is the “crepes of wrath” whiff the entire marriage debate has. Upper middle class white gays and lesbians put out because they can’t have exactly what their straight peers take as a given. Marriage rights are the providence of the privileged few and Sunday’s New York Times magazine article just reinforced that.
Written by journalist Benoit Denizet-Lewis, the long article couldn’t help but look at the married life of the gay, white, and privileged. Lewis cited a 2008 study that noted the “couples who choose to legalize their same-sex relationships . . . are overwhelmingly European American.” So marriage rights, like most conversations about gay political stuff, gets a certain angle that doesn’t include much color. That annoys and makes me cranky beyond measure but I’m old enough to know that is never really going to change anytime soon.
I agree with your criticism of the article; I was also annoyed by the focus on WASPy, Ivy league, upper middle class “Stepford gays” in the article.
However, I think this reflects more about the author of the article and those couples he chose to emphasize than it does about young married gay men (or coupled young gay men who would like access to marriage rights) in general.
Finally! Something James and I can agree on. Same-sex marriage is a luxury issue.
I can see your point. The whole issue, though, is not about the word “marriage” itself, unquestionably an important element of the debate for some, rather it is about the rights bestowed upon those who wish to claim and proclaim their marital status. The discussion is colorblind as a whole, but there appear to be distinct separations based on ethnicity.
Todd and Rick,
Good points. And those are the reasons why I keep my unease about same-sex marriage on the down-low. The principle is what counts.
Steve,
Give it another day. I’m sure I’ll write something you will despise.
Thanks for writing and commenting.
Sincerely,
James
It’s important to distinguish between demographics and intrinsic merit of the SSM issue (and any other issue as well). The real question is “Is there something about SSM that makes it beneficial or desirable for ‘upper middle class white gays’ but not for poorer or darker-skinned gays?”
The answer, obviously, is an emphatic “NO!”. It’s no more race-dependent or economics-dependent than ENDA – though it’s certainly true as well that non-whites have much less interest in ENDA that whites. For that matter, support for all gay rights comes disproportionately from white economically secure people. That does not make gay rights an elitist issue. The realization of the importance of the issue will not dawn on all segments of society at the same time. A prerequisite for seeing the importance of SSM is being comfortably out to family, friends, and probably coworkers – at present, that’s a high threshhold in non-white communities.
An inclination toward creating an intimate stable family and raising children is an evolutionary imperative. Being gay is not inherently in conflict with those inclinations, but gays in the past have devalued them because they were out of reach. Now that they are becoming feasible, they will eventually be embraced by almost as many gays as straights. This will be true among non-whites as well, but somewhat later, because those communities do not yet allow us as much openness as whites. Those of us who do not yet have a gut-level feeling of the necessity of SSM recognition are the ones who are drifting apart from the Zeitgeist. Being of a pre-Stonewall generation, I may never have that gut-level feeling, but the sociology and politics of it are intellectually clear to me. Anything less than full-out support for SSM is a political mistake.
That the luxury of gay marriage is of importance only to white upper class Europeans,must come as a surprise to the residents of South Africa and Mexico city,places that have worked for and achieved marriage rights. What dupes they are.
I have no idea how James and Steve see health insurance for the one you love as a luxury matter. I can see it as a matter of life and death but as a luxury?
Coty,
You are right. Health insurance is important. Marriage rights, from where I stand, not so much.
Sincerely,
James